Tell Me This is a Dream
by Isura Hikari
Summary: Everyone he loved would eventually be ripped from him... That was the prophecy.
1. Chapter 1

_**Image credit goes to Ikimaru on tumblr. You should look her up she's amazing. I'm gonna put a death tw up here, and also say I don't own homestuck. Duh.**_

* * *

Sollux was seven when his dad took him to the festival.

Every year their town held a festival for the beginning of summer, complete with a parade, a few games, like ring toss, for prizes, food vendors, and various booths advertising things. This year Sollux's dad had _finally_ let him tag along with him and Mituna, Sollux's brother. Mituna was ten, so their dad let him run off as Sollux dragged him to the booths. His 'cute' lisp, wonky teeth, and huge eyes inevitably got them saddled with free trinkets: Pencils with the company's logo on the side, tickets to free karate classes, and candy from the bowls that were always perched on the plastic fold out tables. Sollux giggled at how silly his dad looked, balancing everything, but his attention was stolen a few moments later as his mustard-yellow eyes were drawn to a booth wrapped in burgundy cloth.

A lady sat patiently inside, swaddled in red scarves and shawls, a table with a single deck of cards and a fold out chair in front of her. He'd never seen anything like that before.

"Dad?" He asked, tugging on his father's muscular arm, "What's that?"

"Looks like she's selling tarot card readings. They tell your future. You want one, Sol?" His father replied.

Sollux nodded excitedly and watched as his father slid three dollars towards the lady. He plunked down on the folding chair opposite the reader and grinned.

"Will I get a prophecy? Like Harry Potter?" His voice squeaked in anticipation as the lady calmly smiled and shooed away his dad. When he was far enough out of earshot, she leaned forward to whisper.

"I can sense a _deep_ prophecy in you, little one." Her voice was like water, ancient and rumbling. The words made the hairs on Sollux's arms stand up. "But you can never tell _anyone_ what you hear, or else something bad will happen, okay?"

He nodded in silent awe, and she spread out the cards effortlessly. "Pick three. Your past, your present, and your future. Let your hand be drawn to the energy of the cards, and feel the pull of electricity and fate. Choose wisely."

Slowly, carefully, he pulled three cards, and she flipped them over, gazing intently, as if she was having a conversation.

"Your past is not much, small one. I see playfulness, intelligence, and a jealousy for…a sibling. Older or younger?"

"Older," he replied in a hushed whisper. How did she know? "He gets dad's attention a lot because he's louder than me."

She simply nodded. "Your present is full of cheer. Life is good. Is this your first time at the festival?"

"Yes."

"You must be having lots of fun with your father, especially since your brother is off having fun with his friends. You have your father all to yourself, and the whole festival loves you and gives you toys. Your present is joy incarnate with the sin of pride in the background, although I hardly blame you. It's nice to be wanted." Her eyes darkened. "Relish this time. Live in the present, love, because your future,"

She touched the last card, darker than the others, a muted color palate, "Is a _bleak_ one."

The ominous tone scared him and he cast a fervent look at his father, who flashed him a smile and a thumbs up.

"What's going to happen to me?" He whispered.

"Not to you, sweet child. I see greatness in you. An indescribable power, a shining light. As for the people around you… You'll be a beacon of _death_ and _doom_. Your loved ones perish around you, Sollux Captor, and waste away while you live on, a king on your mountain of once cherished corpses and skeletons."

His voice was only a horrified breath. "What?"

"I see sorrow for you, golden boy. You must fight through it, and let it make you stronger. Always focus on your power, not your love, because everything you love," She flipped the cards back over with a flick of her ashy pale wrist, "will die. Don't tell, remember?" A deep, throaty chuckle made its way out of her red lipsticked mouth, and he slunk away from the chair and ran back to his father, clinging to his pant leg babyishly.

"What'd she say, Sol? Is there a tall, dark, and gorgeous person in your future?" His dad asked cheerfully.

" _Bad_ things," He whispered into the jeans he clutched.

"She did look kinda creepy," Dad knelt down to Sollux's level, "But don't worry, pal. Fortune tellers make everything up, it's just a trick! You're gonna be fine, and she has an extra three bucks to go back home with. Everything'll be okay."

"What about you and Tuna, dad?" Sollux whimpered, "Will you be fine?"

"Of course we'll be fine. We Captors are extraordinarily durable. Didn't I tell you about the time I was in the Navy and was captured by the enemy? I lasted for _years!_ She even fell in love with me, if you can believe it, haha…"

The words of his dad's story filled his ears as they walked away, but the fortune teller's creepy smile echoed in Sollux's brain like a ghost, and no amount of shuddering scared it off.

* * *

Sollux was thirteen when his dad and brother were suddenly not fine.

It was a large, open road, and Dad said Mituna could try driving, even though he hadn't started Driver's Ed yet. Sollux was avidly describing one of his many nightmares from the backseat, rambling on about skeletons and rotting flesh, gaping open mouths that wanted his lifeblood and flesh. The road was long, and none of them saw the other car coming up in front of them, fast and sloppy, until it was too late. The driver was a bank robber, too excited with his successful heist to drive his getaway car properly, in the right direction.

A one in a million chance that'd he'd pass the Captors. A one in a billion he'd hit them.

Wasn't it their lucky fucking day?

Mituna screeched, and Dad lurched in front of him to try and spin into the other lane, but Sollux just watched in transfixed horror as the maniacally laughing man in the other car headed straight for them. He tried to remember what he'd last said to his family, his thoughts scattered like he was sure their bodies would be.

"What song is this?" to his father, and "wear a seatbelt, idiot" to his brother. Not notable last words. Should he scream 'I love you' before it was over? No, they'd be fine. This car had airbags. But maybe, just in case, and then it was too late, the impact hit, the window glass shattered and his eyes were burning splinters of pain.

He woke up without pictures flooding into his retinas, and started to hyperventilate.

"Sollux, Sollux, calm down," An unfamiliar voice shushed him and his panic only increased. Tears weren't forming, only a block in his throat and his wheezing alerted a loud, frantic beeping.

"Where are they?" He shrieked, voice raw and ripping through his throat, surprisingly loud to him. "Why can't I see? Where's my dad?! Where's Tuna?! _What the hell happened_?!"

Only stressed chattering met his ears, which faded as cold filled his body and he went numb. Was he dying? Was this the end? No, no, he had to have better last words-

It seemed like seconds had past when he woke up again, and still darkness reigned where sight should be.

" _What the fuck happened_?!" He roared, and he heard the metal clanging of something being dropped. He'd startled somebody.

"I-I-I-I-I'll go get a doctor right away!" The voice was shrill, probably a girl's, and he was temporarily appeased that he'd gotten a _little_ bit of an answer, at least. He was being looked after by a doctor. That was inevitable, right? They were all being looked after doctors. After all, it was a car crash, and none of them were invincible, not even his Navy Seal dad.

Several sets of footsteps smacked into the room, and Sollux strained his head in every direction to try and 'look' at whoever it was.

"You're awake."

Fucking idiot.

"The medicine doesn't seem to be having the desired effect, I'll speak to the nurse and up the dosage."

"Or you could tell me what the hell happened," Sollux said as scathingly as he could manage.

"Your family was hit by an attempted robber making a getaway. The police have apprehended him and he'll be charged soon. Shards of glass from the window cut up your face, and particularly your eyes, which are being healed to the best of our abilities as we speak." The doctor said calmly. Sollux hated overly calm people. _Show some empathy, numbnuts._

"What about my dad? And my brother? They were in the front seat!"

"Your brother was hit strongly, I'm afraid. He suffered acute brain damage and trauma."

"What about my dad?"

Intake of breath. Pause.

"What the _fuck_ happened to _my dad_?!" Sollux screamed again. Did hospital people not respond unless you shrieked at them? Christ.

"Your father…" The doctor began wearily, "took the brunt of the damage. He threw himself over your brother and was hit first. His lungs were compressed, glass cut around his throat…He passed shortly after the police arrived. I'm sorry."

"No." Sollux said, eyes opening wider than he thought possible. "That's not true. My dad's fine, probably just a little beat up, like the rest of us. He's a fucking Navy Seal, he can't get killed by a stupid _car crash_." Sollux babbled, "He survived for years under enemy control, and got the leader to fall in love with him. He raised me and Tuna on his own, except for help from Aunt Rosa, after Mom left. He can bench press 300 pounds. He's too strong to die. He's fine, you're lying. Check again."

"Sollux, I-"

" _Check again_!" He insisted, heart pounding and setting off those stupid beeps again.

"If you don't calm down we'll have to sedate you agai-"

" _Check again!_ " He shrieked, and the cold came again, his bitter, soothing enemy.

It couldn't be true. He was in a hospital under medication, he was hallucinating. Mituna having brain issues, he could handle. If Sollux had to wheel him around for the rest of his life, that'd be fine. But their dad had to be fine. He was fine. He was a Captor and he was extraordinarily durable.

* * *

Sollux lost track of the days the two remaining Captors spent in the hospital. He eventually stopped screaming at the general vicinity of the doctors, and the nurses too, especially that high strung nurse that was apparently a guy. When Aunt Rosa came, the doctors said he had two more months until his bandages would be taken off. She still smelled the same, like peaches and vanilla, and unlike the doctors and nurses, took his hand and squeezed it so he knew she was right there.

"Hello my little bumblebee," She murmured. Dad and her used to call him that when he was little and all he ever wanted to do was run around in his bee onesie. She'd even bought him a bee pillow pet before she moved to California.

Sollux wanted to cry, if his fucked up eyes would let him. "Hi, Aunt Rosa." His voice was rough and unused.

"Guess what tomorrow is, sweetheart?" She asked softly, using her other hand to brush his greasy hair out of his face.

"I dunno. The day I get to take a shower and not a creepy sponge bath?"

"It's your _birthday_ ," Rosa whispered. "And I brought presents. I've been here for a little while, but you were always asleep. But you're awake now, and soon you'll be fourteen! Isn't that nice?"

"Have you seen Tuna?" He ignored his birthday. Dad wouldn't have any more, why should he?

"Yes."

That was it, no elaboration. She didn't want Sollux to know. Honestly, he didn't want himself to know either. That way things felt a little normal than they could be. Of course Aunt Rosa wanted to celebrate his birthday at a time like this. Even currently blind and an orphan, she just wanted him to be a kid. _Come on Sol,_ his father's voice said in his head, _put on a smile for your beautiful Auntie Rosaline._

When dad told him that, things were different. He'd been a sulking kid pouting that his favorite aunt was moving. But Sollux smiled anyway. "Fourteen. That's four years from being legal. Cool."

"Yes, it is cool." He could hear her breathe a sigh of relief. "Your cousins are here too. Porrim and Kanaya, remember? They're playing Mariokart with Mituna."

"Is he still kicking their butts?"

"Vigorously."

"That's good." If he could still kick animated video game ass, how bad could brain damage be?

"Sollux…." Rosa's voice took a serious tone, "I know it's soon and you've just woken up, and things are very…difficult and strange and hurting right now, but…How would you like living with us when you two are better again?"

You _two._ There was _three,_ there was _always three._ 'Two' stung like wasps, repeatedly and without you having to agitate it first. It attacked him without giving him a chance to catch his breath, always present when he awoke, eyes still shut like he was asleep.

It made sense. He and Tuna couldn't live on their own, especially not now. Sollux could have cyborg eyes for all he knew, and Mituna was still only sixteen for another couple of months. Rosa was family. Kanaya and Porrim were okay, although too polite for him sometimes. Their family was rich and lived in California, and wouldn't they be shipped off to an orphanage or something otherwise? Going with Rosa was the right choice, after he got out of this overly sterile prison.

Besides, did he really have a choice?

"Yeah, I'd love to, Aunt Rosa," He spoke through clenched teeth, voice monotone. Reading the words straight from the projector in his head. "Thanks for taking me in. "


	2. Chapter 2

Even though Sollux's bandages hadn't come off, he still got to blow out his birthday cake candles and make a wish. The candles just weren't lit. Not that it really mattered; if they'd been lit, he would have missed _,_ or burned his stupid, clumsy face.

He didn't know what to wish for. It was childish to put so much faith in a stick of wax and the one year anniversary of his staying alive, but he'd always believed in wishes. There was a certain powerful tug of wishing for something, like when momentous music plays in the background of a movie, signaling that _that moment_ is pivotal, that it triggers something amazing, regardless of whether it's good or bad. It signaled hope, something he found himself lacking in the weeks after the accident.

In the end, he chose to wish for two wishes next year. The absence of his father was still strong, and he was glad his eyes wouldn't let him cry, even through all the times he felt like it: Mituna's awkward hug, the Maryam sisters' kisses on his cheek, and the piece of cake Aunt Rosa handed him. It was honey-flavored with a thick layer of buttercream frosting. Dad always loved honey cake, even when his doctor said he should lay off of it. Every bite stuck in Sollux's throat for a moment, but the sweetness fought valiantly against the bitterness.

They all had cake, even the skittish male nurse whose name was apparently Tavros. Kanaya was getting along famously with him. From what Sollux could tell, Mituna was eating cake ravenously, but smearing it all over his face in the process. Shit, he was glad he couldn't see his brother. That was just sad. It wasn't like he'd always looked up to his big brother, but someone he shared DNA suddenly not being able to do 90% of the things he always did with no problem...It was jarring and Sollux didn't know how to react, which meant he didn't really react at all. Not acknowledging it was sure to make it go away, obviously.

Presents were exclusively from the Maryams, with their generous hearts and wallets. The hospital's gift was letting the cake be eaten in the first place. There were stress balls (Mituna giggled at 'balls'), an ITunes gift card for a ridiculous amount of money, a fuckload of clothes unsurprisingly, several sci-fi books that made him lament the temporary inability of his eyes, and a new laptop. Shiny, and already filled with programs and his music, according to his cousins. Leave it to Auntie Rosa.

"Your father and I were planning this for a while," she murmured, "You complained about your old one often."

"Just two more months till I can see it," he joked bitterly. The one sarcastic thing he'd let himself say.

And _god,_ did those two months pass _slowly_. All he seemed to do was listen to music and play with his stress balls (Mituna snickered every time he saw), and that was it. What else could he do? The only books on tape were boring as fuck, and he could only listen to so much of the Maryams' calm, proper English during fight scenes. He wanted his father's voice. He wanted his father around, with his big muscles and cheerful grin that got all the checkout ladies at the supermarket to flirt with him.

The closer it got to the bandage removal, the more Sollux could cry over his loss.

The day his bandages were removed, Auntie Rosa held his hand tightly, and he wondered if she was as worried as he that he might have robot eyes. She'd tried to describe what they were doing a couple of times, but the talk of cutting open what healthy eye was left made him sick to his stomach. It stung a little as they unwound the cloth and the new skin greeted air for the first time in months. He had to bite back a laugh as everyone inhaled deeply; Sollux felt like a contestant on a plastic surgery show. Everyone was eager for the reveal and his reaction.

It started slow, an eyelid opening once, than the other. Cautious blinking, and finally sight as the people in front of him sharpened into focus.

"Rosa, you cut your hair," he said simply, admiring the short crop she had now. She let out a choked laugh, and hugged him. He could feel how worried she'd been, trembling against his lean frame.

"We all got haircuts a few months ago," she said in almost a whisper into his mop of black hair.

"It looks nice."

"Sollux, would you like to see a mirror?" The doctor, whose name tag read as 'Scratch,' asked. _This_ asshole. Bald as a pool cue, Sollux thought in spiteful pleasure. He'd pushed away all his hair follicles with the huge stick up his ass.

"Yeah, lemme see the damage," he found himself joking, and even smiled a little. God, it was good to see again. The mirror, obviously a cheap dollar store purchase at the last minute, was passed up hesitantly, and he peered in, his breath catching. Now he knew why everyone was so reluctant to hand it to him.

Gone were his mustard yellow eyes. In their place was one a deep blue, almost indigo, and the other a shocking red, red like the pencil dangling off Doctor Scratch's clipboard. His constant visitor, the lump in his throat, returned, and his dimly wondered why he was so sad as tears newly filled his freak eyes. He could see, right? He'd been almost normal again a few seconds ago.

Of course. He'd gotten those yellow eyes from his father, and his dad's reflection no longer faced him in the mirror.

* * *

"We've spent weeks organizing and redecorating the rooms," Kanaya said in her soothing voice. "We hope you like them."

The car hummed along over the black asphalt, and Sollux nodded noncommittally before turning back to stare out the window and unpause his music. Angry rock filled his eardrums, and the bass line vibrated in his toes. Perfect.

He'd tried for months not to think of moving to Aunt Rosa's, and now that the day was here, he missed the nightnight, pass-the-fuck-out drugs in the hospital. Sleeping through the move sounded more appealing every time one of the Maryams smiled graciously at him. Sollux felt sick. Although maybe that was because he'd been staring out the moving car window for so long.

Kanaya, Porrim, and Sollux had been squished into the backseat, while Mituna rode shotgun, and kept trying to stick his head out of the window like a dog. Rosa had let Mituna grow his hair out so it almost covered his eyes in an attempt to distract from the ugly, bulging veins on his forehead. Similarly, Sollux had vehemently refused anything more than a trim, hoping he could hide his red eye. He couldn't, and got more than enough stares from other patients when they left.

"Do you have heterochromia too?" a girl with one green and one light blue eye had asked him.

"No," He snapped, "I had to get mutant lab eyes because of a fucking car crash. My dad died, my brother has brain damage, and I have fucked-up irises. Aren't we lucky?" The girl was shocked into silence. "Any more questions?"

She shook her head.

Honestly, Sollux almost wanted to stay in his little room. He could joke with Tavros, who, before getting prosthetics, was in a wheelchair all the time. Tavros knew how it felt to get stared at. Awful.

"Almost there!" Aunt Rosa's voice was distantly audible over the shredding riffs from his headphones. The car turned onto a rocky road, through a gate, and that reminded Sollux of the house the Pevensies stayed at in _Narnia_ movie. This one wasn't quite as big, but it was _definitely_ bigger than the Captors' and Rosa's old one combined, and it looked grand with its brick walls. Sollux had never visited Rosa's California house before.

"Do the three of you stay here by yourselves?" he mumbled, transfixed by a fountain full of pennies. Full of wishes.

"Oh no!" Rosa chuckled merrily. "I stay with two of my girl friends from college, and their families. Dessie Leijon and Roxy Lalonde. Dessie has two sisters, Nepeta and Meulin, and Roxy stays with Dirk Strider and their daughter, Rose."

"They've got to get married eventually," Porrim giggled. "And when they do I have it _all_ planned out."

"Hush," Rosa chided, "That's their decision."

"Sounds like a big, happy family," Sollux muttered darkly, but nobody seemed to realize. Eventually they skidded over the gravel to a stop, and a blonde woman in a bright pink pair of sweats ran out.

"Hi!" She shook Sollux's hand fervently the second he got out of the car. "I'm Roxy! I'm so sorry to hear what happened, but I hope you'll be happy with us!"

"...Thanks." he looked back at the fountain, then to the sky. _I wish that the others won't be this enthusiastic._

Unfortunately, they were. All but Rose, the Dirkxy kid, and Dirk himself, who just sort of nodded at him. Sollux figured all his calm demeanor was matched by Roxy's vibrancy. All the Leijons were the same: tall girls with dark, curly hair, easy giggles, and an overexcited personality. They were laughably carbon copies of one another, the only difference being height. Expecting to keep them straight was going to be impossible.

"I'm afraid you and your brother are a bit outnumbered," the tallest Leijon (Dessie?) laughed.

"No kidding," Sollux replied. Three guys and eight girls. What a party. A party he never wanted, or planned to, attend, except for holidays with his dad.

There was that lump again. Were new eyes especially prone to crying?

"I can show you to your room," the small blonde girl said coolly. Another overly calm person. "I've noticed your expression."

"Rose?"

"Yes. Please follow me. You look like you're not prepared to handle all this boisterous estrogen."

"Kinda." This girl definitely took after her dad. Sollux followed her up a staircase and glanced at all the pictures. Leijons, Strilondes, Maryams, group shots, one-on-ones...Documentation further proving his 'big happy family' statement was everywhere. They all looked so close, and thanks to their wealth (were these fuckers _all_ rich?), most of the pictures were taken at fancy places, restaurants, the Grand Canyon, beaches, New York City… Sollux found himself jealous. He'd never set foot on a beach. All pictures of his family were neatly packed in boxes, like all the rest of their old house. Courtesy of the Maryams, who didn't think it was necessary for the boys to pack all their stuff. They'd have to officially go through it all in the end.

Rose turned on a dime, and stopped in front of a dark wood door. A tiny, painted design decorated the border. _No surprise_. Porrim and Kanaya took after their fashion designer mom. Rose pushed the door open lightly, then walked off, leaving Sollux alone with his new room. Thank god for Rose Lalonde.

It was certainly big. A huge dresser, matching the dark wood of the door, rested in the left side of the room, kitty corner to what was probably a walk-in closet. Like he'd ever have that many clothes. A soft rug let his feet sink a few centimeters in as he looked around. The walls were a light blue and the carpet a sage green, making it feel like he was outside. The sooner he could cover those walls in posters, the better. Sollux preferred _inside_ , thank you very much.

He flopped on the bed, which had his favorite yellow comforter spread skillfully on it. They must have scavenged that from the boxes, and Sollux buried his face in it gratefully. A whiff of his dad's cologne lingered, and tears rolled from his eyes, stinging like always. He had to be more appreciative towards the people in this house. He _had_ to. Dad would want him too. _Deep breaths Sol. Think reasonably. You'll be okay._ His father's voice returned to him. Sollux breathed.

He had to get adjusted to living here sooner or later.

* * *

 ** _these chapters always seem shorter when I post them /:_**


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